My Mouth is Full

There are too many things that need to be done 

but how can you do them all when you are lacking resources. 

I am stuck, trying to make things happen

things that I know I need. 

I am always looking ahead, not too far

but always searching. 

I want to live in the moment, 

but my moments currently feel blank. 

Empty. 

I am stuck in a place where I cannot grow. 

The best things are the hardest to achieve, 

but nothing is impossible.

I am constantly having the same conversation with myself. 

my thoughts are on repeat. 

I cannot change the reel for the next part of the film. 

This obviously is not the ending, 

but who wants to be the lead of a film that keeps repeating itself

over, and over. 

Never being able to show new sides of the character, 

and interact with new faces. 

Always repeating the same lines, 

in the same tone, 

with the same cast and crew. 

Everyone has their favorite movie,

but who wants to watch the same film on repeat?

I need to get out of this repetitive motion.

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back of the head.

What happens when your world is turned upside down from your own choices?
one moment everything is on track and the plans are made
you think you know what you want out of life
and you think you are the one making things happen for yourself.

Some things are not controllable,
plans are impossible to make.
you may think you know where you will be in the future
but the truth is, none of us will ever be sure.

Each day is new, we all know that.
but as humans, letting go of the past and not wondering about the future is impossible
it is part of what makes us human, and part of what can easily eat away at us.
people say to always "live one day at a time, live in the moment"
but there can be consequences for that as well.

I will live my life without plans for the future,
aspirations yes, plans no.
I am not the kind to sit around and live life by the books.
I thrive on movement, and when things become to stable,
an earthquake is inevitable.

The gears in my brain won't stop turning,
sometimes I wish they would.
I love my past and am excited for my future.

A rush of happiness and the feeling of being content hit me all at once in the perfect moment.
in a moment when I thought I was already happy and content
life is full of surprises, and just when you think things are perfect,
and you are the best you can be,
something happens and everything changes.

I have been lucky before, but this was not by luck or chance.
It happened for a reason, it is meant to be.
for that I embrace what I have been given,
it is just what my nomadic soul needs.

I will say goodbye to my past life,
and move on towards the new.
sometimes it hurts to leave things you love behind,
people, traditions, feelings, and moments.

Movement, fluididty..
it is the only way a soul like mine will survive.